1) Everyone is obsessed with Triple J. And when the annual Hottest 100 is released on Australia Day, most Australians wet themselves.
2) No one actually drinks Fosters. Gutted.
3) Sausage Sizzles. If an Australian invites you to one of these, politely accept. It means you’re going to eat sausages (snags), possibly for charity.
4) Golden Gaytime anyone? We’re actually just offering you a much-loved Australian ice-cream.
5) Beer sizes. Schooners, ponies, pots, handles, pints (that aren’t pint-sized)… it’s really messed up.
6) Drinking. Although every Australian we’ve ever met has been blind drunk, it’s actually illegal to be drunk in a pub.
7) Gambling though is fine, with most pubs having an area designated to slot machines, or “pokies”.
8) Sliced beetroot in burgers, really?
9) Swearing. It can take a while for visitors to get used to being greeted with, “oi ****!”. But it’s actually a nice thing, and usually just means “hey friend!”.
11) The place names are weird. Woolloomooloo, Wagga Wagga… we get, they’re Aboriginal names. The rest we’re pretty sure they just got bored and started to make shit up. Humpty Do (NZ), Come by Chance (NSW), Titty Bong (VIC) and Eggs and Bacon Bay (TAS)… come on.
12) Fairy Bread. White bread, butter, sprinkles… even acceptable for fully-formed adults to eat.
13) Thongs. If you’re going to work in thongs, you (probably) don’t work in a strip club, you’re merely wearing flip flops to work.
14) To work in a bar in Australia, you may have to pass a RSA (Responsible Service of Alcohol) test on how to spot drunk people. Tip: they look just like you.
15) Nimbin. A herb-loving hippy enclave in New South Wales, we have absolutely no idea why Nimbin is popular with day tripping backpackers. Nope, genuinely no idea.
16) Want to grab a nice bottle of wine to go with your dinner for one? Well you can’t, saddo. Supermarkets don’t sell booze, so you’ll have to go to the “Bottle-O” instead.
17) … and these can be drive-thru. Roll with it.
18) Lollies. Particularly confusing to Brits, lollies are sweets or candy and DO NOT come on a stick.
19) Debating. You can slag off politics or culture to an Australian (largely because they don’t care about either) but question beer, sport or Triple J, and you’ll likely be deported. The charge is treason.
20) EFTPOS. This is how Australians pay for things.
21) AFL. In our opinion, seven too many players for a footy pitch. Those tiny shorts though, we’re down with.
22) Australians getting really dressed up, and then absolutely smashed. Usually on race day.
23) Eurovision. Don’t be freaked out, but Australia is in Eurovision. They love it more than we do for some reason, so we allow it.
24) Frog, toad and cockroach racing in pubs. So wrong.